What I Hope Happens on The Bachelorette Tonight

Now that my sister lives right around the corner, we have a little ritual. One day a week, we meet at one another’s place to eat dinner, drink beer, and watch The Bachelorette. For the uninitiated, The Bachelorette is a dating show wherein the contestants go on over-the-top dates and amazing trips to see if the current ABC-selected Bachelor or Bachelorette is their one true love. It’s heavily orchestrated. It’s unrealistic. It’s fantastic.

Our current Bachelorette is Ashley. Oh, were you hoping it would be Emily? Yeah, Ashley was worried about that. In fact, there is little that escapes Ashley’s self-doubt and perpetual worry. She’s gorgeous, tiny, has amazing abs, and is being paid a quarter of a million dollars to live in an amazing house in LA/travel through southeast Asia while being pursued by some pretty-decent looking men. I know that true happiness is much deeper than that, but it seems Ashley would be getting a healthy dose of that external validation she so craves.

So, Bentley. No story of Ashley’s lack of self-confidence would be complete without a mention of our favorite villan, Bentley.

I know. I don't get it.

Those of you who are caught up on your episodes know that Ashley is mad-crazy pining for Bentley, a guy who, in a bit of dramatic irony, has stated  that he’d rather be “like, swimming in pee” than thinking of a future with our fair Bachelorette. Ashley, of course, does not know this and continues to think that Bentley is the best thing ever. Two weeks ago, Bentley left the show to go take his douche circus on the road, but it tonight’s episode, he’s back.

Now, pause. You’re expecting me to say I want Ashley to tell Bentley to take a hike. Well yes, I do. But not for any “Rah, rah! You go girl!” kind of reasons. Sure, it would be nice to see Ashley get it together and stand up for herself, but, personally, I want Bentley off the show because he’s freaking boring. He chose to play the pompous jerk. Clever, Bentley. I’d rather spend time with that weirdo who wore a mask for three weeks.

Better than a pee-swimmer.

That said, my official advice for our lovelorn Bachelorette:

  1. No further mentions of “letting the guys down” by either A) not being Emily, B) not being attentive enough because you are too caught up on Bentley, or C) any other reason you concoct. The guys just got a free trip to Thailand. Even if they are “in it for the wrong reasons,” they are “in it for the wrong reasons” in Thailand.
  2. Bentley. Ok, Ashley, don’t freak out, but you are kind of letting me down with your continued pursuit of that idiot. Seriously. I mean, hello, J.P.
  3. On a serious note (despite the un-serious premise of looking for love on a reality TV show), if you don’t think you’re pretty enough, it will never matter how pretty other people think you are. It may be time for some self-help books.





About Helena

Helena lives in Chicago with her boyfriend and two cats. Her boyfriend thinks she's awesome. Her cats agree.

Posted on June 20, 2011, in Pop Culture Commentary and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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